Smackdown Diary! #4

8:34:12 PM - Welcome to another Smackdown Diary!

8:35:26 PM - Typical clips and replays from the weeks of old. Mostly the Edge and Vickie love triangle. Well, she's big enough to be two parts of the triangle.

8:40:36 PM - Finally, the show starts. Smackdown has been really filling the show with crap recently. Richmond, VA hosts tonight's event and Vickie is still milkin' the ol' injury. She states that if Batty or Taker touch her lil' man toy they will get flogged or something.

8:42:28 PM - Finlay, Rey, Batty, and Taker are announced for another "Beat the Clock" challenge. She then introduces the new Smackdown commentator, Jonathan Coachman! Of who I knew since last week because of the magic of the internets.

8:46:02 PM - Finlay and Horny come out to start the beat the clock thing. More replays. Finlay's opponent is MVP.

8:47:38 PM - A nice little display of chain wrestling. An exchange of slaps to the face. MVP gets tossed outside. Down to 1:53 on the clock.

8:49:45 PM - >>> Means fast forward) and we're down to 5:55 on the clock. The commercials were apparently 5 minutes long. Lot's of rest holding. MVP looks a bit more aggressive than Finlay which kind of means Finlay is useless.

8:52:46 PM - We're down to 8:00 on the clock. Still pretty much rest holding. I keep forgetting this is a beat the clock match. Horny tosses in the "stick thing" and Finlay uses it and wins while the ref looks the other way.

8:54:31 PM - McMahon (The old one) comes out and gives Horny and huge hug. Walks back out and probably hits the showers. Commercials ensue.

8:56:20 PM - >>> Back to Noble's date recap and Palumbo comes out on his bike. How many times has this gimmick been done now? I can count three. Michelle McCool is on the back and I have to admit she's looking very freakin' hot.

8:57:06 PM - Kenny Dykstra and Victoria come out and Victoria is looking quite good herself.

8:57:38 PM - Bell, Pauly for the quick pin. Dykstra responds with some punches. He still looks like a fan got lost to me.

8:59:28 PM - Who put a mic on the ref? He is very clear with his calls tonight. Someone needs to turn that "mat bump" mic down. I just heard the ref fart and blame it on McCool.

9:02:08 PM - McCool's been paying attention in wrestling school. But it's always refreshing to see a Diva show us how technical these moves really are when they screw up the timing.

9:03:15 PM - Now we see why the mic is turned up. So we can hear Pauly rip McCool a new one after they lose. "You can't do anything right!" says the man who lost to a man a foot and a half shorter three times in a row.

9:06:31 PM - Damn phone rings!

9:08:14 PM - Back to Chavo who finally calls out the ridiculously insulting "love triangle" until Chavo says something weird "He wants to roll back the hands of time and get something he never got" or something. Sounds like he's going to be further shitting on his brother's legacy by saying HE always wanted Vickie.

9:10:27 PM - >>> Chavo makes his way to the ring. Funaki is Chavo's opponent. Everyone is always so happy when Funaki come out as the "secret" opponent. Until Funaki starts unleashing an asswhipping.

9:12:13 PM - Down to 7:30 on the clock. I forget what the time to beat is. 9 something.

9:13:26 PM - 9:46 was the time to beat and it's down to 6:14. This clock seems slow.

9:14:10 PM - Chavo tries to grab Funaki's ass for leverage and his hand slips right off because he doesn't have one.

9:15:01 PM - Funaki proves to not be a pushover again and actually has a tantrum like he actually has a shot at winning.

9:15:49 PM - I'm missing JBL already even tho he was a repetitive windbag. Coach is just plain boring.

9:16:37 PM - Chavo wins at 3:42 left setting the new time of 6:02.

9:21:52 PM - Back from commercials to Batty making his entrance, veins and all.

9:25:09 PM - Batty laughs as his opponent comes out who is one of the "Edges". Then Vickie pops on the screen and says that Batty has to fight not one but BOTH "Edges".

9:26:55 PM - What's funny is one of the Edge looks like the Edge when he was juicing up. The other one looks like Edge when he had to stop juicing and got fat.

9:30:02 PM - Batty's down to 30 seconds.

9:30:49 PM - Batty loses. Couldn't move fast enough.

9:40:32 PM - Forgot I was reviewing. MVP said something about retiring Flair because he's better than Jesus or whatever.

9:41:07 PM - >>> Deuce N Domino come out for some tag team action.

9:41:37 PM - MY BOY! Jimmy Yang and Moore come out.

9:46:20 PM - Forgot I was reviewing again. Shannon Moore rolls up Deuce or Domino and win.

9:46:51 PM - Beat the clock 6:02 reminder and another commercial break.

9:52:26 PM - Taker comes out.

9:54:19 PM - Taker needs to go back to pants. He looks like the world's biggest ballet dancer. Matt Stryker is Taker's opponent.

9:55:13 PM - Correction, Stryker's the ref. Mark Henry comes out instead.

9:56:17 PM - Well, most of the matches on Smackdown are less than 5 minutes anyway, so I can't see how this beat the clock can't be beaten.

9:59:24 PM - Mark Henry would make a good Rhino in Spiderman 4. Or maybe Rhyno? Taker tosses Hairy into the steps outside. Stryker gives the slowest count I think I've ever seen while Taker goes nuts on Hairy outside.

10:00:09 PM - TAKER GOES OLD SCHOOL, but Henry stops him.

10:00:19 PM - Clock's down to 2.

10:01:45 PM - Henry gives a bear hug. Taker fights.

10:02:59 PM - Taker chokeslams and goes for the count. Stryker stops mid count and screws Taker. Time runs out.

10:05:45 PM - >>> Cole and Coach review Taker getting screwed 300 times.

10:06:59 PM - A new "corespondent" who happens to be a rather hot little Asian chick. Mmmm. Stryker is saying something but I can't concentrate. Big Daddy V comes out and practices his "Spock" thing.

10:15:06 PM - Back to Rey who comes out to his unknown opponent who happens to be Edge. Edge is followed by his twins. Cole finally figures out Edge's plan which is to get all the main players out of the rumble.

10:17:10 PM - Edge rolls out of the ropes each time Rey goes to attack, knocking the clock down. Rey finally gets a few flippities out of his system. Edge slides Rey out of the ring.

10:18:23 PM - Batty attacks Edge's goons outside because they are helping Edge. More flippity with Rey. Still not enough to win.

10:21:05 PM - Taker comes out to give Edge the stare of doom. The bell tolls. It gets dark. Taker apparently beat up Edge in 10 seconds and set up Edge for the 619. I gotta replay that myself. It was 15 seconds while it was dark. 619 is a winner! Rey does it! Rey goes to the rumble for the title!

10:22:35 PM - And that's the show for tonight!