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 Advertise cheap: [Click here] Date: 15 Feb 2008 - Author: Triple B - Category: News - Views: 331 
If you take the percentage of TIME, RAW sucked about 80% of the night. However, that 20% ROCKED. Shawn Michaels and Jeff Hardy could have wrestled for 2 hours straight, and I would have been a happy B. The rest of it? Call me when Mark Henry's contract is finally over in 2189. DISCLAIMER!!!: The views expressed by this article, or any other article or recap done by myself, Triple B, is the views of solely myself. These do not neccessarily reflect the views of Roughkut.com, Roughkut himself, or any of the staff or mods here at Roughkut. All jokes I put in are soley my decision to put in, and any crapitude from said jokes is MY fault. Nobody elses. BLOGGING IT UP: So. I got promoted at work, and they moved up the official date. Somebody got fired. I assume it was due to alchohol and porn. Either way, alot of shiznit has gone down at the work place the last few days. Arf.  INTRODUCTION: EL FIRSTO MATCHO We start right out the gate with RAW'S BIGGEST STAR. He is Hornswaggle. Recap of Vince's ass all over last week. Conspiracy theorists probably think that the only reason that the WWE switched to HD was to show off Vince's ass better. Nobody has yet to explain why HS has dirt all over his face all the time. His opponent is RAW'S BIGGEST ASS. Double antete. Word on the street is Vince has been working out pretty hard to get ready for WM. Vince looks ready to fight, motions for the bell to be rung, and stalks his opponent. HS and Vince stand toe to toe. They back up, lockup and Vince shoves HS off. Lockup, and Vince shoves HS off again, then shows off a gun. His arm, not his piece. Test of strength, but HS can't reach Vince's hands. Vince mocks him. That didn't work for Carlito, Vince. Vince lets HS get a slap in, but HS can't do it. Vince shoves him. HS looks like he's going to cry, but still won't slap him. Then finally does it. Vince glares him down, now takes off his belt. Oh no... THIS WAS THE INCEST ANGLE?!??!?!! No. Vince says he's going to whip HS. But, Finlay runs out and Vince bails. Vince calls him a tough guy. Vince is mad that Finlay is interuppting family business. Vince almost fires him, so Finlay backs off. Vince turns his back, HS is torn. This is stupid. Vince throws HS, and Finlay smiles and waffles him with the Sheleighleigh. However you spell that fucking thing. I hated everything about this crap. Finlay and HS grab Vince, and HS hits the Tadpole Splash on Vince, covers him for the win. Some 8 year old in the crowd who is 4 feet taller than HS is ecstatic. Commercial. We come back to Vince getting an ice pack on his head. Regal shows up and says something, but his huge mane of hair distracts me. EL SECONDO MATCHO Out first is BEFORE I RETURNED TO THE RING, I SOLD MY WWE STOCK. He is JBL. Recap of JBL and Jericho at the RR. His opponent is SAVE ME FROM THIS FEUD!. He is Chris Jericho. Has my contempt for RAW started to show yet? Jericho smiles at JBL's man boobs. JBL frowns at Jericho's stupid haircut. Lockup. Into the corner, and the ref breaks it up. Circling each other, lockup. Back to the corner, then to another corner. JBL headbutts Jericho, then goes on offense with kickery. JBL with a punch, shoots Jericho to the ropes, misses the boot and Jericho punches him out of the ring, off the apron, to ringside, to the crowd barrier, shoots him to the steel stairs, then rolls him back in the ring. Jericho shit kicks him in the side, then does it again. Jericho with a baseball slide to the face, picks JBL up, hits a snapmare, hits a chinlock then kisses him on the forehead. No joke. JBL dumps Jericho outside the ring, he lands on his feet and just walks right back in. Nice. Jericho comes in and goes for the Walls of Jericho, but JBL gets the ropes. JBL to the apron, and Jericho hits a hangman and a running baseball slide kick to knock JBL outside. Jericho follows and rolls JBL back in. Jericho with Woo! Chops. Replay of the baseball slide. It IS an American Pasttime. JBL gets some punchery and kickery to turn the tide. JBL shoots Jericho to the ropes, but Jericho hits a kick, then a standing roundhouse kick. Jericho goes for the springboard dropkick, but JBL gets a boot up to put him down. Commercial. We come back to JBL hitting The Clothesline from Hell so he can walk around. Jericho back up, and JBL hits another clothesline. JBL picks him up and puts him in the corner for punchery and kickery. More kickery. Even more kickery. I feel like I'm playing Street Fighter. Punch, punch, kick kick. If JBL shoots a fireball I wouldn't be surprised. JBL shoots Jericho to the ropes and gets a sleeper. Jericho fades like the ratings for this show. JBL lets go and covers for 2. JBL up, puts Jericho on the top turnbuckle, and unleashes some punchery. JBL up top for the superplex. Jericho blocks it, hits some forearms, and a headbutt to break it up. JBL to the mat. Jericho comes off the top with a flying punch. Everyone is down. Wit mah phat rhymes. Jericho covers for two. Wait. No Way Out is this Sunday? Both men are up, JBL to the ropes, eats a clothesline. Eats a shoulderblock. Eats a enziguri. Eats a missle drop kick. Eats a baby. Jericho covers for 2. Jericho to the ropes, goes for a cross-body, JBL catches him for a fallaway slam. Jericho counters into a tornado DDT. Cover for two. Jericho charges JBL in the corner, but eats a boot. No wonder these guys are sucking wind. They eat all the time. JBL to the ropes for the Clothesline From Hell, misses, Jericho hits his new(er) finisher for the three count. Umaga is now in, because he heard everyone was eating things. Umaga hits the Samoan Spike on Jericho, then one on JBL too. Apparently he ate the money JBL paid him. What a glut. Commercials. John Cena Vs. Mark Henry tonight... oh fuck. Mike Adamale or whatever the hell his name is is here to pimp out No Way Out. Cena Vs. Orton. Video package of Cena getting "injured." Eh. It kills 10 minutes or so. Regal yells at Vince to fire Finlay. I missed something, but Finlay is going to be in a Steel Cage with someone. Not sure who. I can't find the rewind button. Shawn Michaels Vs. Jeff Hardy tonight. LA RIBA LA RAZE, EL THIRDO MATCHO! Out next is I LIKE ME A WENCH!. He is Paul Burchill and Katie Burchill. What is it with bad gimmicks and Katie? Katie Vick. Katie Burchill. Katie Courick. Katie pronounces Paul's name like "Pole." THAT makes me giggle. His opponent is MAKE LOVE TO A GIRL? SICK!. He is Brian Kendrick. He gets all up in Paul's grill, lockup. Paul reverses a waistlock with a hammerlock into an armlock takedown back into a hammerlock. Brian elbows out, flips over, gets a wristlock. Burchill breaks it up screaming "GET IT OFF ME!" O...k. Paul with headlock, and a couple shoulderblocks before eating an armbar takedown. Paul reverses it into another hammerlock. They get up and jump around missing dropkicks and clotheslines before Brian gets a roundhouse and a knee lift. Paul his a leg sweep, then hits a SICK chickenwing something or other, which SLAMS him into the mat. He holds your arms behind you while you lay on the mat, then kicks you in the back of the head so you slam your head to the mat. Burchill finishes Brian off with his swinging neckbreaker to finish for the three count. JOHNCENAISWALKINGOMGHELLBEHERENEXTFAINT!!! Commercial. It's a long walk to the ring. IN RING Out first is DORKBOY. He is Randy Orton and he's here to do commentary. Thanks for reminding me to mute this. Out second is WORLD'S STRONGEST PUSSY. He is Mark Henry. I'm 85% sure I could take Mark Henry in a fight. His opponent is A GIRL'S FIRST ORGASM. He is John Cena. Listen to those fans! The throngs of people who wear tongs LOVE him! God... this is going to suck. Why do they get so close up on Orton?  Mark Henry starts out with punchery and a powerslam that gets replayed because Vince hates me. Mark continues with chokery, then arguery with the referee. HA! IT WORKED! Mark shoots Cena to the corner. Orton rants about something. Mark takes the turnbuckle cushion off, because the world's strongest man rolls that way. John gets 2 punches, so Mark punches him back down and gets a full nelson. Shades of Chris Masters. Mark lets him go, then yells for no reason. Mark stalks him, then misses a running splash in the corner. Cena hits a clothesline from the top, taking him down, then gets the STFU to make Mark Henry tap out like a bitch. Thank God it was short. Goddamnit. Now Cena has a mic. I thought I was going to get out of this easy. The moron has Mark Henry behind him somewhere. Cena: "I am 100%!"..... FAAAABULOUUUUS! He may not have said that last part. After Cena is done, Orton waits until he's gone and talks shit. Cause he's Dorkboy. Wrestlemania Commercial with the lamest Wrestling Theme Song EVER. GODDAMN SEGMENT Out first is KEN DOLL. He is Ken Kennedy. He calls out THE NATURE BOY HAS ANSWERS. ASK JR. He is Ric Flair. I fast forward through all of this, so they cold be reading poetry or saying "Woo!" back and forth for 20 minutes for all I know. Kennedy then cheap shots him with a drop kick to the leg. Cause... when I want to cheap shot someone, I think "dropkick." Next week, Vince Vs. Hornswaggle in a Steel Cage. AYE CARUMBA! A FIFTH MATCH! Out first is FUSION POWERS.. UNITE!. Melina and Jillian Hall, who do some retarded foot high five thing. Melina's opponent is TIMA TO GETTA NEKKED.... A. She is Maria with Santino. In what will save this match, Santino is on commentary. Maria and Melina roll around, Maria does some dumb shit headstand kick that only hookers do in Vegas, but eventually gets clotheslined down. Melina with a knee drop to the midsection. Santino doesn't like Playboy. BUt... JR says "What's your problem with Playgirl Magazine?" I'm not kidding. Melina has some wierd octopus on Melina as Santino runs down PlayBOY. Melina and Maria scream at each other, and Melina hits some week clotheslines, then an avalanche and a gutbuster for a cover of 0. Maria with some more kickery, then screeches and hits a bulldog. Then Jillian screams on the mic, and lays a kiss on Santino to distract Maria, who gets Schoolgirled by Melina. Santino seems torn as to if he should be mad-a or angery-a. Santino has a mic. "That's what happens when you associate with tha Playboy." He then points out that every skank that is in Playboy gets injured. He then makes her chose between Santino or Playboy. Apparently she'll tell everyone next week. Then he lays one on her after he says he's the one who really loves her. Santino is Tha Pimp! Fer shizzle, yo! Apparently John Cena teaches Nascar guys to wrestle in a commercial. Commercials. That don't involve Cena or Nascar. No Way Out breakdown. Elimination Chamber video. EL MAINO EVENTO Hopefully. Out first is STOP THIS SHOW!. He is The Showstopper, Shawn Michaels. His opponent is WAIT, IS THIS DANCING WITH THE STARS? He is Jeff Hardy. They stand off, do the "fist love" thing, and then Shawn hits a Woo! Chop down. NICE. Cover for one, Jeff with a backslide, kickout then Shawn with Woo! Chops. Jeff with a punch and a clothesline outside. Jeff goes for a springboard cross-body, but Shawn moves. Jeff lands on his feet, and they slap each other. Jeff back in as Shawn holds his head, thinking.. "That's not very Christian." Shawn is in, and Jeff hits a headlock takedown. Both men back up, Jeff to teh ropes with a shoulderblock. Jeff to the ropes again, Shawn gets a headlock, Jeff hits a backdrop suplex for two. Jeff back to the headlock. Shawn shoots him to the ropes and hits a back elbow. Shawn holds his back like an old man, then hits some Woo! Chops in the corner. Damn corner. Shawn tries to shoot Jeff to the other corner, but Jeff reverses, and Shawn flips over. Jeff hits a clothesline from behind, then a backdrop suplex off the top rope for a two count. Another cover for two. Jeff gets the headlock again, and Shawn flips him over, cover for one. Jeff back on top. Shawn fights up, because men of God don't like men on top. Jeff to the ropes, hits a shoulderblock. Again. Shawn dumps Jeff outside, but Jeff skins the cat, and comes right back in, and gets hit with a clothesline, then we get a closeup of him licking his lips. Sexy. Both men up as they hit the replay, and Shawn hits some Woo! Chops. Shawn shoots Jeff to the corner, Jeff flips back but Shawn saw it coming and hits a kick to the midsection and a suplex, reversed and Jeff hits an atomic drop. Jeff goes for a kick, Shawn catches the leg, and Jeff hits a mule kick. Shawn goes outside. Jeff htis a baseball slide, the goes to the crowd barrier to hit a running suicide dive. Not sure who that hit, but both men are down as Jeff hits a ... COMMERCIAL! We come back with Shawn in charge, cause God is on his side. Replay of what went down before the commercial. Shawn has Jeff up in the corner, shoots him to the other corner hard. Shawn covers for two. Shawn picks him up and shoots Jeff hard to the corner again. Shawn with some knee drops working over that lower back. Possibly for the Sharpshooter. Shawn with a surfboard. Jeff's bottom lip is busted open. Looks like some of his piercings are messed up. Jeff fights back out. Shawn picks him up, hits a backbreaker and a cover for two. Yeah. I think Jeff ripped his lip open. Shawn picks him up, and the two exchange blows. Jeff gets the upper hand, shoots Shawn to the ropes, and eats a swinging neckbreaker for two and a half. Shawn picks him back up, more Woo! Chops in the corner. Scoop slam on Jeff, and Shawn goes up top. Shawn goes for an ax-handle drop, but Jeff puts the leg up. Shawn catches it and gets a half Boston crab. Jeff wiggles all over the ring trying for the ropes. Is this for the belt? I never noticed. Jeff finally gets the ropes, and Shawn breaks the hold. Grown men with black nail polish is retarded. Quote me on that. Jeff gets some kickery as Shawn comes back over, and hits an enziguri for everyone to take a nap. Shawn is up first in the corner. Jeff up next. Jeff with kickery. More kickery. More kickery, shoots Shawn to the corner, reversed. Shawn misses the shoulderblock, and Jeff gets some punchery. Jeff shoots Shawn to the corner, then runs up and shitkicks him up to the top. Jeff goes up top, goes for the superplex, blocked. Shawn punches out, shoves Jeff off. Shawn goes for the elbow drop, MISSED. Jeff covers. One. Two. NO! Both men slowly get up, Jeff hobbles like he does every match, Shawn tries to shoot him to the ropes, Jeff reverses and hits a capture clothesline. Replay of the clothesline as everyone naps. Both men back up, Jeff with some kicks and a clothesline. Spear into the corner, and Jeff hits his fulcrum kick in the corner. He drags Shawn into the ring for a cover. Two count. Both men up. Jeff shoots Shawn to the corner, reversed. Jeff hits the Whisper in the Wind for a two count. Jeff back up, signals for the Twist of Fate, Shawn reverses with a jawbreaker. Woo! Chops! MORE! MORE! MORE! Jeff shoots Shawn to the ropes, Shawn reverses and hits a clothesline. Shawn kips up. Jeff is up. Shawn hits the atomic drop, and a punch. Scoop slam. Shawn goes to the corner, and goes up top. Shawn comes off with the elblow drop CONNECTS! Shawn is feeling it, and tunes up the band. The crowd is eating this up. Shawn misses the Sweet Chin Music, Jeff goes for the Twist of Fate, reversed into a leg sweep and Shawn gets the Figure Four! Jeff holds on as Shawn wretches it in. Jeff almost looks like he'll reverse it, but he gets the ropes instead. Shawn lets go. Pussy. God would have held it on, then turned Jeff into salt. Shawn goes for the Sharpshooter, Jeff shoves him off. Goes for it again, and Jeff shoves him off again. Jeff gets the Twist of Fate! Jeff up top and hits the Swanton Bomb! Jeff covers! ONE TWO THREE! And Jeff Hardy beat Shawn Michaels. Jeff celebrates as we replay the ending of the match, and some of the highlights throughout. FINAL THOUGHTS: There are some shows where one match pulls the whole show out of the shit gutter that it's been in. That main event was one of them. They kept Mark Henry away from the end of the show, and everyone goes home happy. I had to watch alot of crap to get to Shawn Michaels vs. Jeff Hardy, but it was worth it.
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