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11:13:02 PM - Welcome to another Smackdown Diary! Staring yours truly, a 12 pack of beer and a couple of vicodin. We kick it off with repeating Batty and Edge's and Taker's oh my on going love triangle. Hey, they gotta fill two hours somehow...


11:13:58 PM - Vickie and Teddy are in the ring as he intros Vickie from her wheel chair. She plays the face role to the tune of canned boos. She announces Edge who is apparently the only wrestler on Smackdown now.


11:15:29 PM - Edge totally rip's Jericho's old entrance and pyros. Vickie goads Ted to hold up Edge's title. Geez, look at the hamhocks on Vickie. Please don't let her forget she's wearing a skirt.


11:17:46 PM - A "real you suck" chant starts are Teddy presents Edge the title he already got presented at the PPV. Edge pretends that he's interesting and thanks his fans and crap. If I ever am compared to an "Edge head" I will personally burn my TV. Edge announces the major Bros. Sounds like a generic dollar store video game title.


11:19:32 PM - Kirk Hawkins or whatever tells us what he likes to do. Zack Ryder does the same. They like long walks on beaches and rolling around with other half dressed men in rings. Why Edge is giving us the inside lives of the Major Bros I don't know.


11:21:41 PM - They show a corny video of Edge working out as Vickie stands lovingly over his every move. They are literally on a see-saw. I'm not making this up. I guess this is how they "fell in love"? I am going to throw up my Wendy's cheezburger.


11:23:23 PM - Edge sucks his own nads a little more as we head to the first of 320 commercial breaks.


11:26:43 PM - Wife alert. Must take my own break.


4:37:48 PM - Well, I fell asleep after working a 50 hour week. Still had to work earlier today on Saturday so we're back... again.


4:38:43 PM - JBL repeats the same crap he says every week. "We're not friends blah blah blah" Cole blinks stupidly and The Great Khali lumbers down to the ring.


4:39:29 PM - Khali's "translator" is oddly shirtless as he imitates Khali's every move.


4:42:03 PM - I'm drinking a beer at 4:39 in the afternoon, but it's been a long got-damn week. Finlay and Horny come down to the ring and Hornswaggle still does the old little doggie and big doggie routine from the old Warner Bros. cartoons. Finlay starts off the match with Khali. Nice back and forth as Khali manages to lift his leg for a few kicks and takes over quickly with some chops. That's 2/3 of his moves already. Must be a quick match coming.


4:45:06 PM - Horny takes off Khali's translators pants and hilarity ensues as a Bug's Bunny routine plays out yet again. Finlay dumps water on the translator as Horny blocks with an umbrella. Finlay giant swings the translator. Tadpole splash and the win.


4:45:17 PM - Finlay and Horny win.


4:45:49 PM - Commercial break.


4:52:29 PM - We're back with Ric Flair to make another heart filled announcement. This is where we feel sorry for Ric because he might get pretend fired and work in a comfy office backstage.


4:55:15 PM - Pretty much the same shit he said last time. Just in a much more somber mood. His career will end on his next loss. He said HHH is the best in the game today and he means it. He gets to wrestle him in 10 days.


4:57:49 PM - Flair wants HHH's best. So which move involving his knee is his "best"? Not surprising that he keeps busting his quads when 6/7 of his moves involve using them. Flair walks out and says if he loses to HHH he lost to the best. What a waste of TV time that could be filled with The Miz.


4:57:57 PM - Nother break.


5:05:27 PM - BOOYAKA! Rey comes out and molests all the young boys wearing his mask along the ringside. CM Punk comes out freshly shaven with his straight edge razor. STOLE UR JOKE JAG Kane comes out and napalms the ring. Big Dad V comes out with Mark Henry and makes things pretty much uneven. By 500 pounds.


5:06:40 PM - MVP comes out and now I'm wondering what the main event is? He doesn't look happy. Probably because he's in this jobber match instead of the top of the card where he belongs.


5:08:42 PM - Kane and Henry start things off. Lots of flabby punches and face bunts and back and forth action.


5:10:32 PM - MVP tags himself in a puts Punk in a headlock as if he's going to tap from it. Punk responds with flippty moves. Commercial break.


5:17:21 PM - Back to action, Rey tags in and more flippity ensues. Punk sets up a huge move. He KICKS MVP IN THE FACE! Congratulation! Veee tags in and falls asleep before he gets to the middle of the ring. Punk goes to work. Gets sidewalked and stepped on. Like CM Gum! Vee slaps Punk with one of his breasts. Wait, that was an arm I think. Mark tags in and says "you like to kick peepul huh??" Then kicks him. MVP tags in and kicks Punk too. Veee tags back in with his clubbing tit flops.


5:18:55 PM - Veee repeats the same moves and then tags MVP who at least switches arms. Nice sweep from MVP as Punk tries to tag out. Mark is back in and uses his strength to cause pain.


5:21:34 PM - Do I sense a new LOD forming? I sure as hell hope so. Punk chins MVP and I guess this is where Punk wins the crowd over while trying to tag out. Kane gets the tag and splashes the hell out of MVP. Rey finally comes in again and does a Jimmy Wang style moonsault.


5:22:46 PM - Nice team work from Kane and Rey 619 and chokeslam and the win. Rey, Kane and Punk win.


5:24:06 PM - Fun Fact: I read in a magazine when Mark Henry was in the Olympics he could dunk a basketball. Commercial break.


5:32:17 PM - JBL looks angry as he spouts off about something. They cut to Jamie and Michelle's date. Noble impresses Michelle by ordering everything with "French" in the title. Including a kiss.


5:33:50 PM - Noble starts going on and on about incorrect historical facts about the French. It's not very funny.


5:35:38 PM - Jamie performs a magic trick. This outta be good.


5:36:24 PM - He pulls the cloth from the table and I don't think I need to say what happened. Commercial break.


5:42:34 PM - Ok enough commercials. >>> Back to Smackdown's internal commercials... >>> A Santa match with the Deuce! Festus comes out in a Santa costume as well. Bell tolls and Festus turns into a meany. Kicks some Deuce arse and takes over. Deuce gets a couple of kicks in but not for long.


5:43:49 PM - Deuce gets in a head kick or two and tries to rip Festus' face off. Very boring match for two guys dressed like Santa. They should maybe steal a tip from TNA and add things shaped out of barbed wire.


5:45:01 PM - Another snoozer. Christ is it me?


5:45:40 PM - Fester hits his finisher and the match finally ends. THANK GOD!


5:47:10 PM - JBL begins to address his return to wrestling ...right after these messages.


5:53:00 PM - JBL speaks. As usual he makes himself out to be much more popular than he will EVER be. JBL comes out of retirement quite frankly to give Jericho a top midcarder to feud with because of his ridiculously out of place rise to main event status. It's called blowback WWE.


5:54:21 PM - Chris Jericho called JBL a elephant or something and this is the reason he's coming out of retirement?


5:55:40 PM - I guess I have to hand it to JBL. He's a very good speaker.


5:57:22 PM - >>> TAZZ comes back to Smackdown. Didn't he kind of leave it in shame? I could be wrong all I remember is Style's shoot on it. They announce Batty who pretends to shoot guns.


5:58:53 PM - Batty climbs to the second rope and scopes the crowd to see what chick he's going to bang tonight. As he waits Edge comes out and calls dibs on the mother of the chick Batty picked. Edge is tailed by his new bitches, the Majors.


6:00:24 PM - Edge has a stable in a box! Well, at least it gives work to two guys who would likely be "mutually fired" soon enough. Vickie gargles that it's going to be a "three on one championship match.


6:01:37 PM - This obviously means Vickie won't be the GM for long.


6:02:16 PM - Commercials.


6:03:32 PM - >>> We is back! Edge edges out Edge who has an edge over Edge. Sorry, I hate Edge but I couldn't resist that stupid joke. This is a throw away match if I ever seen one.


6:05:51 PM - Batty fights off the onset of Edges and wins.


6:06:38 PM - Vickie gargles "stawp stawp" and restarts the match. Batty must beat Edge to win.


6:07:52 PM - One of the Edges Who have names I don't care about slams a chair into Batty's leg as he goes to bomb Edge. DQ finish.


6:10:16 PM - Edge goes for the conchairto alone. They leave Batty lying in the ring and Edge leaves us with a "Merry Christmas" as the show ends.

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